Hope and Despair

Earlier in this year, I had written a long manifesto in which I explained why I may commit an atrocious act of murder, because my homicidal ideation was at its peak again. But I don’t want to hurt anyone, not truly. I know I am not that person and my heart couldn’t take it, so I deleted that document as impulsively as I started it. All that it was at the time of its deletion was a summary of my life from childhood to now, as well as my possible motives and future wishes. 

I do however still want to write out something similar, because I think my neuroticism is extremely misunderstood and studying it is imperative to preventing many issues in society. I don't expect this blog to have many viewers of the relevant demographic, but I hope to provide insight into why and how these issues form and how to recognize (or psychoanalyze) these issues in others and yourselves. And get help.

I will explain the tragedies of my life, the halcyon days, as well as my personal opinions, my sufferings, and my paradises. I care deeply about many things such as my own invented and personal "religion", which involves primarily regarding ourselves and nature as equal and part of one interworking system part of a much larger living being, as well as politics, sociology, true crime, and the search for happiness.

I don’t want my suffering to fade away when I do; I instead hope that it will be used to prevent future tragedies. I think that by analyzing what I write here, some of you may be more prepared to understand issues like mental illness, societal prosperity, trauma, drug abuse, homicidal ideation, and more. In summation, that is why I am here. To prevent further suffering and confusion, to teach, and to find catharsis myself.